Susan Carney's Blog

Posted by Susan Carney

The next week or two marks the return to school for kids, but its also a significant transition for parents and teachers, too. Watching kids grow up is one of the most rewarding aspects of working in education. I always enjoy seeing the kids come back on the first day of school, and always marvel at how different they seem after only a few short months. My sixth graders, who seemed like nervous babies only a short time ago, are now big, bad seventh graders; my seventh graders are now eighth graders, with one foot out the door to the high school. It all happens so quickly. It’s my new sixth graders that I usually worry the most about. Used to being big fishes in their small pond, they are often anxious and overwhelmed. They have their own particular stresses, and, without fail, they are the same ones each year. Check out Top Stresses for Middle Schoolers for more info. You might also want to see Surviving Middle School or Supporting Your Middle Schooler for ideas on how you can help with this tough transition. Teachers may also want to get some ideas for helping new students transition comfortably into their school. Tips for Welcoming New Students will guide you in the right direction. If you are looking for some simple, fun activities to help students get to know one another, check out Group and Classroom Icebreakers or Group and Classroom Games. Good luck!

Posted by Susan Carney

This week my family participated in “National Night Out,” an evening dedicated to crime prevention which is held annually on the first Tuesday in August.

The event we attended was sponsored by a local church with the assistance of a variety of other community groups. My kids were initially upset because it started to pour rain about ten minutes before we got there, and we feared the event would be rained out. Undeterred, the organizers moved everything to the church basement. We weren’t technically “out” anymore, and we were a little wet, but my kids didn’t care. Anyplace they can get a hotdog and have their face painted is a great place, wet or not.

A variety of community agencies and groups that serve kids and families had set up displays or otherwise contributed to the event. In attendance were the Civil Air Patrol, the YWCA, various scouting groups, a local literacy program, and others. It struck me how it really does take a village to raise kids. Even with strong family support, we rely on our community, our churches and our social agencies, to assist with the sometimes difficult task of raising healthy kids.

It also struck me that we often don’t even realize what services are available to us, right where we live. It might not occur to us to seek help until we need it. Yet even without a defined “need”, there are always opportunities available that can enhance our kids’ lives. Most communities are rich with such opportunities: we just have to know where to find them.

Posted by Susan Carney

As the time to our national election grows shorter, the issues we are concerned about are being talked about more and more. The Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood is working hard to bring the issue of marketing to children to the forefront of these discussions.

Why? Childhood obesity, poor body image, the sexualization of children, the glorification of violence, materialism and selfishness, underage drinking, tobacco use among kids… these are only a few of the issues effecting kids’ health and well-being today that are directly linked to marketing unhealthy products and attitudes directly at kids and teens.

Those who are equally concerned about these issues and their impact on kids and families can take action. You can add your name to CCFC petitions to either the Democratic or Republican parties, and ask your friends and families to do the same. The petition urges the party to “adopt a platform plank that commits the party to protecting children from the excesses of the marketing-driven media industry.”

This is a great opportunity to pull kids into the political process, as well. Talk to them about these issues and get their opinions about how marketing impacts them and how they think about themselves. Give them the change to sign the petition, have their voice heard, and spread the word. They’ll be getting great practice at learning how to understand issues, and getting involved in solutions, as well.

Posted by Susan Carney

Researchers from the Yale University School of Medicine recently reviewed research on bullying behavior from 13 countries, and found not only a link between suicidal thoughts and bullying victims, as would be expected. They also found a link between suicidal thoughts and bulliers, as well. (Tara Parker-Pope, "With Bullying, Suicide Risk for Victims and Tormentors", NY Times, July 18, 2008).

These findings appear to me to be evidence of what I have always believed: that most kids who bully other have significant problems of their own, of which bullying is just one component. Its tempting to just say, “oh, he’s just a rotten kid.” But it may be more important to ask, “What’s going on with him that’s making him behave that way?

Bullies may be the victims of bullying themselves. They may have significant home issues which impact their ability to develop satisfying social relationships with other kids. They may have poor role models for how to handle conflicts. They may have problems with depression or anxiety, or suffer from undiagnosed learning problems. Whatever.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that when kids have unaddressed issues, it often impacts their self-esteem and sense of power. And for many kids, feeling powerless and bad about yourself are the two main ingredients that make a bully. I don’t believe that it is the bullying per se that may be causing kids to be suicidal. Rather, bullying and suicidal ideation are probably side effects of other, deeper problems that need to be addressed. In any case, it certainly means that we need to do a better job of helping our kids, before they feel the need to resort to either.

For more on bullying prevention, please see Bullying in Schools or Strategies to Prevent Bullying, or Bullying and Teens.

Posted by Susan Carney

A recent study found that TV background noise may be disruptive to children's development. The study, done at the University of Massachussett, studied 50 kids between 1 and 3 years of age. The study was done in two trials: during one, kids played for an hour while a television set played in the background; during the other, the TV set was off.

The findings? “Background TV significantly reduced toy play episode length as well as focused attention during play. Thus, background television disrupts very young children's play behavior even when they pay little overt attention to it. These findings have implications for subsequent cognitive development.” (Schmidt, Pempek, Kirkorian, Lund and Anderson, The Effects of Background Television on the Toy Play Behavior of Very Young Children, Child Development, volume 79, issue 4, pp 1137-1151)

Considering how many kids play while TV’s are blaring in the background, the implications for this study are significant. Recently there’s been a lot of press about kids under 3 watching TV, and even that has been hard for a lot of parents to swallow. Now, things are even direr: don’t even let them in the same room with a TV!

But I have to wonder about this study in the context of older kids and teens, who are receiving visual and auditory stimulation from a variety of media (TVs, internet, cellphones, computer, ipods, etc.) Often, teens are electronically “multitasking,” or operating several types of electronics at the same time. Perhaps they are watching a movie on their computer and texting a friend at the same time. Or maybe they are burning a CD of their favorite tunes while watching TV AND researching the internet for a term paper. What kind of an impact does all of this have on THEIR attention and cognitive development?

Posted by Susan Carney

The Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth (CAMY) released last month a report summarizing their findings over the past seven years. It said, among other things, that “youth exposure to alcohol advertising on television has risen by 38% since the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth began monitoring this exposure in 2001.” (Youth Exposure to Alcohol Advertising on Television 2001-2007, CAMY.)

In a culture where our teens face alcohol related dangers such as drunken driving, violence, and sexual assault, this fact is a disgraceful example of our society’s priorities. Trademarked teen immaturity and poor judgment, coupled with a lack of training in media awareness, make teens prime targets of advertisers who wish to exploit their vulnerabilities to make a quick buck.

Consider this: In 2007 "40% of youth exposure to alcohol advertising on television came from ads placed on youth-oriented programming, that is, programs with disproportionately large audiences of 12-to-20-year-olds.” (Ibid.) To me, that indicates intentional targeting of kids. It isn’t just a matter of kids watching adults programs and stumbling upon beer commercials.

There are things we can do. Make sure you explain to your kids how marketing works, and how they are targeted because of their age, fat wallets, and the belief that they are easy prey. For more on this topic, please see Alcohol Advertising to Teens, Alcopops and Teens, or Alcohol Advertising and Teens.

Posted by Susan Carney

It’s all over the news: 17 girls at a Massachusetts high school are pregnant, more than four times number the school had last year. The rumor was that at least some of these girls made some sort of “pact” to get pregnant at the same time.

Though that has yet to be verified, consider an additional aspect of the story. It was also reported that some of these girls made repeated trips to the school health clinic for pregnancy tests, and appeared disappointed when the results came back negative. When it was positive, they began to happily bond over discussions of baby showers and raising their children together.

None of these girls is older than sixteen.

I remember being sixteen. I thought I knew a lot more than I did, and believed that I could handle anything. But I also had dreams and plans that didn’t include getting pregnant in high school.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe these girls don’t aspire towards much beyond being a young mother. Maybe they are looking for a purpose, maybe they are looking for love and attention, or maybe they think a baby will be the answer to all of their problems. Or maybe this is some odd, extreme form of peer pressure whereby girls will make a decision that impacts not only their life but the life of their child, just to fit in with their friends.

Pact or no pact, it’s likely that these girls have underestimated the care, maturity, and sacrifice required to raise a child. It isn’t all smiles, baby showers, and unconditional love. As any parent knows, taking care of a baby is hard work, and parenting a child to adulthood is a major commitment. I hope these girls have what it takes.

Posted by Susan Carney

You wouldn’t think that film companies would be allowed to promote PG-13 movies to little kids. But movies like “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” and “Iron Man” are already being pushed through advertising and merchandise intended for children as young as three.

How does that happen? Well, according to the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, “while the Motion Picture Association of America claims it reviews marketing plans for every PG-13 movie, they focus primarily on the content of the ads, not whether or not the film advertised is appropriate for a younger audience.” (“CCFC to MPAA”, CCFC Website, May 2008). I guess that explains the Burger King Iron Man Kids Meal and other toy and food products tied into these and other upcoming violent action movies.

Being permitted to promote a product that is inappropriate for kids directly to kids as long as the content of the ad itself is appropriate…..how crazy is that? They might as well allow advertisers to target kids with advertising for tobacco and alcohol, too. No wait, we do allow that!

Clearly, changes are long overdue in how the film industry markets movies. The CFCC is sponsoring a letter writing campaign to echo a recent request from the FTC: that the MPAA ensure that films are marketed in ways that are consistent with their own ratings system. So far, that request has been denied.

It’s tough for parents to draw the line on violent movies when their kids see the images from such films emblazoned on everything from breakfast cereal to clothing to countless toys. Maybe if more parents made their feelings known, things would begin to change.

Participate in the CCFC’s letter writing campaign, and ask your friends and family to do the same.

Posted by Susan Carney

On the day of the democratic primary in my state, I took my 3 year old daughter to our polling place and let her push the big button that cast our vote for Hillary Clinton. I wanted my daughter to be a part of what I truly believed was going to be the eventual election of our first female president.

I imagined what the next eight years of my daughter’s life might be like, coming of age in an America where the most powerful job was held by a woman. My daughter would know nothing else. To her, it would seem perfectly logical that if a woman can be in charge of our country, then she can do anything. What impact might that have on her feelings about herself, what doors might that open for her? I was so excited about the possibilities. I so wanted that world for her.

I grew up in the seventies, and we girls were told we could do and be anything. But despite that message, I think many of us have felt that there were still limitations. The world didn’t always measure up to the one we were promised.

Listening to Senator Clinton's speech this weekend was bittersweet. Yes, the fact that she got as far as she did is such a step forward for our girls. But to come so close...and then to realize that the future I had imagined will not be. At least for now.

Posted by Susan Carney

The parents of a Florida kindergartener have accused his teacher of mental abuse after she allegedly humiliated the child, who is in the process of being identified with Asperger’s Syndrome. When the boy exhibited behavioral problems, the teacher sent him to the office. Upon his return, he was allegedly verbally skewered by his classmates, who were urged by his teachers to tell him what they didn’t like about him, followed by a vote to determine if he should remain in the class. The mother claims that the teacher proudly admitted all of this to her, yet she told a different story to school officials and investigators.

With all the talk about how kids bully other kids, it’s hard to imagine a scenario where five year olds are prodded by an adult to hurt another child’s feelings. I’m all for productive feedback: I regularly teach my three year olds how to assert themselves using “I statements” when someone does something they don’t like. Right now we are working on responses like “I don’t like it when you snatch my toy. Don’t do it again!” But lining up a whole classroom of kids and encouraging them to systematically belittle a special needs kindergartener seems to be both cruel and abusive, not only to this one little boy, but to all of the kids in the classroom.

Adults who work with kids need to recognize the power their words have. The power to help and to comfort, but also the power to hurt and destroy. And before we can expect kids to treat each other with respect and dignity, we have to demonstrate that ourselves. For more about how to do this, check out Providing a Safe Space For Kids.

Posted by Susan Carney

May 31 is World No Tobacco Day, so this is a great opportunity to talk to your kids about the health risks of smoking. There are a variety of reasons why kids start to smoke: peer pressure, boredom, depression, curiosity. In my opinion, targeted advertising is the number one factor.

The focus of this year’s event is the promotion of a complete ban on all tobacco advertising. According to the World No Tobacco Day website, “Globally, most people start smoking before the age of 18, with almost a quarter of those beginning before the age of 10.” I knew most kids started before age 18, and that was bad enough. But I never realized how many kids start even younger. Before age 10? If you don’t believe it, check out this video on the website. It’s a little hard to watch, but it certainly makes a point.

Yes, tobacco companies need our young people. When you market a product that essentially kills your customers, you need to recruit a new batch of customers on a regular basis. Since so few people take up the smoking habit as adults, kids are often an easy target.

Check out the World No Tobacco Day website for website and campaign and media materials you can use anytime, as well as a link to a really cool Tobacco-Free Youth Interactive website that shows the myriad ways tobacco is marketed to kids. For more info on this subject, you may also want to check out Teen Tobacco Prevention, Tobacco Advertising and Teens, and New Cigarette Targets Girls.

Posted by Susan Carney

We took our three year olds into Philadelphia on Saturday to visit the "Please Touch Museum", which, for those of you not from this area, is a mseum dedicated to kids 7 and under that offers a variety of exhibits that are completely hands-on and kid friendly.

Driving in from a far more rural area, entering the city is always a study in contrasts. My kids are spellbound by the tall buildings, the trains, the river, the Philadelphia Zoo "Zoo Balloon" that hovers gently over the expressway as we speed past. My daughter spots the radio towers each time, and we still laugh about the trip into the city when our son turned his head and shouted excitedly, "There's more city on this side!"

We love that they are so easily thrilled, and so eager to learn and absorb new things. We know there is a day in the future when we will probably have two sullen teenagers sitting in the back seat during any mandatory family trip. They will likely be hooked up to their ipods and tuning everything else around them out. But we are trying our best to keep that day as far in the future as we can. We want them to be engaged, interested, and involved.

We try to capitalize on any opportunity to point out something different and unusual, to involve them in discussions, to ask their opinions, to expand their horizons. We believe that exposing them to the world around them, both the unusual and the everyday, is what will help to keep their curiosity alive. We know there is always "More on this side!" and we can't wait for them to experience it.

Posted by Susan Carney

When my husband and I pick our kids up from daycare, we often stand outside and peer through the window to watch the kids for a few minutes before entering the classroom. We like observing them, unseen, to see how they interact with the other kids when they don’t know we're watching. As they get older, this becomes more difficult. Even if they don’t spot us, it isn’t long before one of their classmates spies us and rushes over and loudly announces our presence.

Yesterday we saw something that disturbed us. Our son walked over to a little girl and deliberately stepped on her foot. It surprised us because he is generally such a loving, gentle little boy. But here he was, purposely being mean to another child who was standing there minding her own business.

The jig was up when we told him that we had seen what he did and told him how disappointed we were in his behavior. We walked him through the steps of apologizing to the little girl (who, quite frankly, didn’t even seem to remember the incident). It would have been easy to just let this whole situation slide, but we are painfully aware that we are trying to raise two kids to be kind and considerate people in a world that sometimes seems to have forgotten what it means to have a strong character, to care about others, and to take responsibility for your mistakes.

These are hard lessons, and ones that will take many years to teach. But we have to start young, and we have to be painfully consistent. Kids need to know what we find unacceptable, and they need to understand how to make amends when they have wronged someone.

Posted by Susan Carney

It’s that time of year when 5th and 6th graders start anticipating the transition into middle and junior high school. Kids (and parents, too!) are often anxious about the change. They often don’t know what to expect, and wind up relying on rumors and misinformation. If this sounds like you or someone you know, you might want to check out the articles Preparing for Middle School, Top Stresses for Middle Schoolers, and Surviving Middle School for some ideas that can help.

It’s also the time of year when kids' interest in school starts to wane. The weather is warm, the end is in sight, and often kids would rather be anywhere else. You might want to look into Keeping Kids Motivated for some ideas on how to keep things running smoothly during that (seemingly endless) home stretch.

If you want to let your kids burn off some of that energy they’ve been storing up during the winter, try some group games. Not only are they fun, but they help kids develop skills in the areas of teamwork and cooperation, as well as helping them learn to communicate and follow directions. Try Team Building Activities for Teens or Group and Classroom Games for some ideas.

Posted by Susan Carney

American Idol aired its annual “Idol Gives Back” show Wednesday night, using the show’s massive popularity to draw attention to a variety of causes and the difference donations of service and money can make.

Many of these causes existed in other countries (kids who were dying of malaria for want of a mosquito net, or kids who didn’t have access to clean drinking water, for example). But segments also exposed middle class America to sights in their own country that they might not otherwise see. Even within our own borders, there are kids living in what most of us would consider horrible conditions.

You can’t help but be moved by viewing something like that.

“Giving Back” is not reserved only for adults, however. Kids of all ages can get involved in service. In fact, service and volunteerism are powerful learning tools that benefit kids in many ways. They learn compassion and empathy, and their own self-esteem is boosted with the realization that they can make a difference to someone else. Their perspective can undergo major shifts as they realize how lucky they are in comparison to others. They may develop a renewed sense of appreciate for what they have. And they learn valuable skills, such as working on a team and problem-solving.

Encourage your kids to get involved. By “Giving Back”, they may get back more than they ever expected.

Check out The Youth Services Opportunity Project or Servenet.org for more information.

Posted by Susan Carney

In my local Sunday paper, there was an article about the recent trend of custom painting guns in bright colors, causing the possibility of confusing them with toys. This, coupled with the fact that actual “toy guns” are often so realistic looking they can be difficult to distinguish from the real thing, is creating a dangerous situation. While I am certainly concerned about the distinct possibility of confusing these real guns with toy guns, there is another element to this issue that was missing from the article.

These guns are being decorated in this fashion in order to boost sales. In that way, they are not unlike many other products. One can easily purchase almost any item (for example, a car, cell phone, computer, etc.) in an array of colors or themes. Designs, packaging, and other product elements are often created especially (and often with the help of licensed characters or other popular symbols) to appeal to certain age groups. Like kids.

It’s one thing when a product promoted to appeal to kids is relatively benign. It’s another thing altogether when it’s a lethal weapon.

One could argue that the colors and designs aren’t “intended” to appeal to kids. But consider “a child sized shotgun decorated with pink and black swirls” or “a .22 caliber rifle for youths-the Davey Crickett- that’s red, white, and blue.” (Sam Wood, “Which is the Real One?” Philadelphia Inquirer, 3/30/08). Whether intentional or not, these would probably appeal to kids.

Posted by Susan Carney

A few weeks ago I received an email from the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood whose mission is to “counter the harmful effects of marketing to children through action, advocacy, education, research, and collaboration.” Since this stuff is right up my alley, I am a subscriber to their “Action List”, and frequently get alerts from them when someone, somewhere exploiting kids to make money.

I’ve written about this topic in articles and blogs before, so to faithful readers, my ire at this most recent development should come as no surprise. It seems that the Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio plans to rename it’s ER “The Abercrombie and Fitch Emergency Department and Trauma Center” in trade for a $10 million donation.

Many of you who feel as I do about marketing to kids may be aware of Abercrombie’s reputation for sexualizing kids through their products and marketing. Clothing designed for preteens emblazoned with provocative messages advertised through the use of unnaturally thin body types is bad enough in the department store. However, bringing the Abercrombie brand and all that it represents to an institution supposedly dedicated to health and well-being seems irresponsible.

It infuriates me when people promote unhealthy messages to kids for any reason. Doing it in pursuit of money, whatever the reason, is, in my opinion, inexcusable.

For information about how to get involved in this and other CFCC inititative, check out their website.

Posted by Susan Carney

MSNBC recently released the findings of a new report from the journal “Health and Education Behavior” that found that 17% of 6th graders have tried alcohol. This means that almost 1 in 5 eleven and twelve year olds have experimented with alcohol.

This information may not be surprising to some, but it should be a concern for all. The questions are many. Where are these kids getting the alcohol? Who is (or isn’t) supervising them? Where is this happening? It also speaks to the ever present need to find alternate, positive activities for teens. We all know that kids who are actively engaged in healthy activities in their schools, communities, and churches are less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol.

Are these kids with undiagnosed mental health problems who are attempting to self-medicate? Or just bored kids with nothing to do? What kinds of role models are we presenting? What kind of messages are we sending about responsible alcohol use, either personally or through the media?

We also need to examine our prevention efforts. April is Alcohol Awareness Month, and you can check out The National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information for information and ideas you can implement with your kids.

Posted by Susan Carney

Driving to work today I heard on the radio that March is National Red Cross Month, and that got me thinking about blood donation. I’ve always been a pretty regular blood donor. I have the universal blood type, and I like knowing that my blood could help practically anybody. I recognize the importance of having blood available when you need it. My twins were born 12 weeks premature, and my daughter required a blood transfusion when she was only a couple of weeks old. I was unable to donate because of my post-delivery status, and my husband was the wrong type. We were grateful that because of an unknown donor, my daughter was able to continue her fight to stay alive.

I just gave blood a few weeks ago at my church. At the time, it occurred to me that blood donation could be a perfect vehicle to get young people involved in service. It’s free and it doesn’t require a lot of time. It’s relatively convenient, as blood drives can be set up practically anywhere, even in local high schools. And, if you can get past the needle stick and the blood-draining-out-of-your-arm concept, it’s fairly painless. Plus, they give you food!

Encourage your kids to sign up for a blood drive soon. Even better, look into hosting one at your school or agency. Get kids involved in the planning and advertising, and use the experience as a learning tool. You can easily incorporate math, reading, writing, science, and other skills into this type of project. Check out the Red Cross website for info blood donation as well as other ways kids can volunteer.

Posted by Susan Carney

Our state tests are coming up in the next few weeks, and our students are already starting to freak out a bit.

The mere mention of these tests is often enough to induce groaning and general annoyance (at the very least), possibly even anger and a curse word or two (at the other extreme). Ever since “No Child Left Behind”, these tests have, in the minds of many educators, created more problems then they have solved.

The reasons are many and I won’t go into them here. What concerns me the most is how these tests impact our kids. As if they don’t have enough stress in their lives, now we’ve gotten them all worked up about this test. This one test, given on this one day, which is going to (fairly or unfairly) represent the total sum of their academic achievement. No matter if they aren’t feeling well, don’t test well, have learning problems, don’t put forth effort on tests, or had a family tragedy the night before. The test goes on.

As educators, we’ve been forced to worry about the test and it’s results. And that worry has trickled down to our kids. Many teachers feel that the pressure surrounding these types of tests has negatively impacted education. They feel that it has taken all of the joy out of teaching.

And more importantly, all the joy out of learning.

On a side note, check out Pass The Torch for the opportunity to win a copy of the book "Your Child's Strengths" by Jenifer Fox. This book provides parents and educators with suggestions for focusing and building upon kid's strengths, rather than attempting to "fix" what is wrong with them.

Posted by Susan Carney

Body dissatisfaction is an increasingly serious issue among our young people. Pressures from the media, the fashion industry, peers, and family all contribute to the stress kids feel surrounding having the “right” body type. As educators, we often fight an uphill battle. We try to encourage our kids to feel good about themselves, despite the conflicting messages they hear all around them.

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is February 24 – March 1, 2008. The goal of this event, sponsored by the National Eating disorders Association, is “to teach people of all ages about the importance of promoting positive body image as well as raise awareness about the dangers of eating disorders and the need for early intervention and treatment by distributing educational materials and organizing events in their communities.” (from the NEDAW website).

By visiting the event website, you can access the resources and information you need to plan your own NEDAW activities and events. Coordinator Kits are available for purchase for those interested in jumping right in. These kits include posters, planning guides, presentations, press releases and other promotional ideas. It also includes tons of great handouts and other resources. Purchasing your kit now will give you a whole year to plan exciting, inspiring events for your kids for next year’s NEDAW.

In the meantime, checkout “Things to Do During National Eating Disorders Awareness Week”, a handy list of suggestions we can implement anytime with our students. These are quick ideas or reminders about promoting awareness and acceptance of individual body types. At some point next week, try to incorporate a few of these strategies into your work with kids.

You may also be interested in checking out the previous Youth Development articles Extreme Dieting and Plastic Surgery or Girls and Positive Body Image.

Posted by Susan Carney

Today is my kids' first preschool Valentine's Day party. We spent one evening this week writing out our valentines according to a careful and precise list of students sent home from their school. My three year old twins chose each child's valentine carefully, selected a sticker to put on it, and then I did the writing. Every child, of course, received a valentine from each of my kids. What an amazing lesson for them on appreciating others.

Often, the main focus of this holiday is on love and romance, and the marketing that we see at this time of the year reflects that. We see images of roses and other flowers, candies, hearts, and other symbols of romantic love.

Which is great, except for those who may not be in romantic relationships right now. For teens, Valentine's Day can be excruciating for those in that situation. They may feel left out of the festivities, or worse, as if everyone "notices" that they don't have a special someone. Overdoing Valentine's Day celebrations, with a sole focus on the love and romance part, can intensify feelings of loneliness for these students. Having a holiday to shine the spotlight on the fact that they are alone only makes things worse.

As an alternative, try making the focus of this holiday expressing your care and appreciation for everyone. This way, all kids can take part, as both givers and receivers. Appreciation can be shown for friends, parents, siblings, teachers, everyone. It doesn't need to be limited to that one special someone. Think back to your own childhood, when you sent valentines to everyone in your class.

Posted by Susan Carney

February 10-16th is Children of Alcoholics Month. According to the National Association for Children of Alcoholics website, “Over 28 million Americans are children of alcoholics, and almost half are under the age of 20. Children of alcoholics are more at risk than other children for physical and emotional abuse, for mental health problems, and for alcoholism and other drug abuse.”

NACoA works to raise public awareness and promotes education and prevention services. Their website offers access to research and resources, downloadable versions of forms and information to be used in school SAP programs, and free posters and pamphlets. There are also two free downloadable kits for educators who work with these students, one of which is specifically geared for early childhood. NACoA also has a special “Just 4 Kids” section with resources geared specifically for young people. Check out their website for all this cool stuff.

We all know students whose lives are impacted by their parent’s alcohol abuse. Use this week as an opportunity to learn more about this issue and ways you can provide support for these kids. For more articles related to alcohol abuse, please check out Alcopops and Teens, Alcohol Advertising and Teens, or Alcohol Awareness Month.

Posted by Susan Carney

In order to be successful in school, students need to feel safe. I’m not only talking about physical safety, but emotional safety as well. What does that mean? It includes:

• feeling safe to take risks and make mistakes without fear of ridicule or humiliation
• feeling respected for who they are as individuals, rather than being made to feel inferior or inadequate because they do not meet our expectations
• feeling that their ideas and opinions are worthwhile, even when they disagree with us
• feeling a sense of power and control over their lives
• feeling that adults will listen to them, help them, and protect them

Another important piece of school climate is the social power that exists among and between student groups. We may try to pretend that they don’t exist, but they do.

Bullying is often the result of unequal power distribution. Students with large amounts of social power may feel superior to others and therefore believe that their mistreatment of them is justified. On the other hand, students who feel powerless may use the bullying as a way to temporarily blot out negative feelings they may have of themselves. It may be the only way they know to experience a feeling of power.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I overtly or subtly encourage or support rituals and practices that favor or value certain social “power” groups over others?
• Do I align myself with “popular” kids at the expense of other students?
• Do I ever excuse behavior in “favored” students that I would not tolerate in other kids?
• Do I treat students differently because of their social status?
• Do I try to provide opportunities for powerless students to feel a positive sense of power and control?

Posted by Susan Carney

I thought it would be the perfect time to dispel some of the common assumptions kids have about School Counselors:

Myth: The Counselor is going to blab what I say to my teachers and parents.

Truth: Pretty much everything you say to a School Counselor is confidential, which means that we will keep it private. There are a few exceptions: when someone is getting hurt, is in danger, or involved with something illegal. In these cases, we are required to share the information with the appropriate people. Of course, there may be issues that come up that we might encourage you to share with teachers or parents, but the decision is up to you.

Myth: The Counselor is going to boss me around and tell me what to do.

Truth: Actually, the best Counselors help kids solve their own problems. We might make suggestions, but teaching problem-solving skills is one of our main goals. One of the benefits of talking to a Counselor is that we’ve been around awhile, so chances are good that we’ve seen a problem like yours before. That means that we probably have some good ideas for you to try, and we will help you pick the one that seems right for you.

Myth: If I talk to a Counselor, it means I am crazy or that I have something wrong with me.

Truth: If you talk to a Counselor, it means you are smart enough to realize that you might need some help in solving a problem. Lots of people have seen a Counselor at some point in their lives, and most of them have found it helpful. Sure, Counselors see people with serious problems, but most of their “clients” are just regular people going through tough times.

Posted by Susan Carney

While preparing a presentation for my colleagues on the problem of bullying, I began to think about the problem from a different angle.

When we talk about bullying in schools, we almost always focus exclusively on how students treat other students. But there are other components involved in providing a safe and positive climate for kids. How staff members treat students and each other sends powerful messages to kids about what behavior is appropriate and tolerated.

Think about the following as it pertains to your work with kids as well as your colleagues:

In my interactions with other staff members, do I ever normalize disrespectful behavior by:

• Gossiping about other staff members or student families?
• Trying to intimidate or pressure them?
• Attacking or dismissing their opinions and ideas when they are different from my own?
• Trying to get other staff members “on my side” when I have a disagreement with a colleague?

In my interactions with students, do I ever normalize disrespectful behavior by:

• Belittling or embarrassing students, either privately or in front of their peers?
• Using a student or his work as a negative example for other students?
• Violating a student’s privacy by sharing personal information or grades with other students?
• Making “jokes” about a student to get a laugh out of the class?
• Dismissing or ignore a student’s request for help?
• Showing disapproval or contempt for a student through my words, actions, or body language?

Posted by Susan Carney

Holiday vacations can spoil you. It’s easy to get used to the pace of extended days off. And difficult to get back into the usual routine.

In my house, once the Christmas festivities were over, we made a conscious decision to spend the rest of the vacation “relaxing.” From December 27th to January 1st, we (my husband, my 2 ½ year old twins, and I) did a “whole lot of nothing,” and loved every minute of it. We hung out and played with the kids’ new toys. We watched movies. The kids and I made a cake. We sang, we laughed, we wrestled, and we read books. The pace was decidedly unhurried, stress-free, and wonderful. In fact, there were days that the kids stayed in their pajamas well into the afternoon.

This is a stark contrast to the usual pace of our lives. My husband and I both work full time, so things can get a bit hectic. On the weekends, we try to plan some fun activity for the kids, so that can be a little busy, too. So this six-day mini-vacation was much needed. A few times my husband asked me if I wanted to take the kids somewhere. I said no. The kids were always going “somewhere,” and I felt they needed this time you just hang out at home with us, chilling.

But now its back to work and school, back to the normal routine of our lives. Hopefully you have returned to your routine refreshed and renewed, and ready to face the challenges that come with helping kids. Happy New Year!