As a school counselor, I encounter many kids with problems. The problems come in all shapes and sizes, all types and levels of severity.
Why do kids lack problem-solving skills? I’m not sure, but I have some thoughts. First, it’s not often something that we actively teach. It should be. In homes and in schools, we should teach even the littlest kids to think about possible options and support them as they implement possible solutions. Having a grounding in the basic process and the practice working through relatively simple problems helps give kids the confidence and skills to tackle bigger issues further down the road.
Second, I fear that often, in our attempts to help kids, adults often wind up solving problems for them. While good intentioned, this is problematic for several reasons. It does nothing to empower kids to solve their own problems. It gives kids the message that they are incapable of coming up with their own ideas and solutions. And it doesn’t teach them anything about taking responsibility. Instead, it encourages kids to take a passive role while someone else does all the work.
Often in my work, I will find myself saying to kids, “Well, what are your options for fixing this?” It could be something as simple as losing a binder or something a little more complicated, like failing a class. Many kids are able to brainstorm some good ideas. But a surprising number of kids shrug their shoulders and look at me blankly, as if they have no idea how to even get started to get around this hurdle.
Please see Problem Solving Skills for Teens for ideas about helping your kids master this crucial skill!
