Personal Accountability Defined
If you are personally accountable then you accept the consequences of your actions, words, and decisions, regardless if the outcome is important or significant. When one is personally accountable for their actions, it means they have a valid reason for their behavior. It also means if asked why they made the choice they did that they can give a valid, solid explanation for their decision. Learning to be personally accountable begins in early childhood and starts at home with the primary caregiver, usually a parent.
Double Standards Mislead
Parents need to hold a child responsible for their actions starting as a toddler. This happens when adults in the home model the behavior expected of children, and lead by example. Frequently, children receive a hidden message or double standard and double standards are confusing to children. A parent cannot smoke in front of a child, claiming how bad smoking is to your health and demand the child never start smoking. After all children learn what they live.
Rules Apply to Everyone
Every home needs guidelines as to what is and what is not acceptable behavior. It is best to put these rules in writing. When writing out the guidelines use simple, clear, and concise language. Everyone is responsible for following the guidelines, including the adults in the home. The basic rules are no name-calling, no yelling, and no hitting. If a parent breaks a guideline and makes a mistake, it is important they own up to their actions. Parent should apologize when necessary and be sure it is heartfelt, as children can sense insincerity.
Consistency is Key
When being accountable, consistency is the key. Parents should say what they mean and mean what they say. It is important to never make a promise or state a consequence they cannot or are unwilling to keep. Anytime you say you will do something and do not do what you say, you lose respect with your children. You also teach them that making and breaking their word is ok.
Make Consequences Fit
If an action requires a consequence due to a bad choice, be sure the discipline fits the action. For instance, when a child is disrespectful, perhaps giving them a written assignment on the definition of respect might be a good idea. Even a first grader can look up the definition of respect, write out the definition, and add an additional two or three short sentences on how they were disrespectful or how they can avoid being disrespectful in the future. The assignments should become more involved as the child grows and matures.
Parental Responsibility
Finally, if parents do not hold a child accountable for the outcome of their actions early on, then parents cannot expect them to be accountable as young adults, and as parents, that is doing children a great disservice. All too often parents feel they are being too hard on their child if they "give" them a punishment. Yet, there is a huge difference between punishing a child and helping a child become personally accountable for their choices, and their behavior. Every choice, every action in life has a result or a consequence, whether positive or negative, and by teaching children to stop and think about the consequences or reaction of their behavior before they act is our responsibility as parents.
