Talking to Kids about Death
Guiding your Child through the Grief of Terminal Illness and Death
Sep 3, 2008
Death is a natural part of life that many children become introduced to by reading fairy tales, by watching animals or insects die, or by watching movies. Losing a loved one, however, can be a traumatic experience leading to nervous habits, social problems, and learning problems in school. Being open to the signs of grief is the first step in guiding your child; below are some tips on assisting your child through grief.
Talking about Death
When terminal illness is present, explain the illness in simple terms your child can understand. Be careful about using the term “sick” though, which may manifest a fear of dying from having the common cold or flu.
For instance, if a disease such as cancer is present, explain to your child that the loved one has a bad illness known as cancer which is worse than a cold or flu. Also explain that cancer needs to be treated by a doctor, unlike a cold or the flu in most cases.
Books on Death and Dying
If you still feel unsure about how to talk about dying, there are many children’s books regarding terminal illness and death.
One such book is called Lifetimes: A Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie, Bantam Books, October 1, 1983.
This book is said to be "a simple, well illustrated book describing that there is a beginning and an ending for every living thing - insects, birds, plants, people," as noted in the extensive list of books on death and dying For Children: Books About Death and Dying by Chris Brown, MS, CCLS, Director, Child Life & Education.
Play Therapy for Grief
In some cases, a child may have difficulty expressing their feelings about death and dying. These children may act out towards their peers, show hyperactive behavior, have problems with schoolwork, or develop nervous habits such as lip-picking.
Play therapists utilize toys to help children express their thoughts and feelings as explained by the Association for Play Therapy in Play Therapy Makes a Difference!: “Through play therapy, children learn to communicate with others, express feelings, modify behavior, develop problem-solving skills, and learn a variety of ways of relating to others.”
Watch for signs of anxiety such as habits that are outside their normal realm of behavior and seek professional help if these do not subside.
In conclusion, death affects people in different ways. If simply talking with your child about death is not sufficient, utilizing these resources may be necessary in order to process grief.
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