Help kids learn how to empower themselves to prevent and cope with bullying behavior.
In Bullying and Teens, we talked about how to distinguish between joking and bullying, different types of bullying, how to help kids create safe boundaries, and some of the emotional repercussions of bullying. But kids need more than information. They need specific skills and strategies they can use to prevent bullying and to respond effectively when it does happen.
Strategies are not just for those who are victims of bullying. All kids will probably be involved in a bullying situation at some time or another; either as someone who is bullied, someone who is doing the bullying, or someone who is witnessing this behavior. The following ten strategies address all three roles and offer suggestions for each:
Attitude. Do I show a positive attitude towards others? Do I respect others even though they might be different from me or disagree with my ideas? Am I patient, kind, and understanding of others?
Ask. Before you speak, ask yourself, “Am I saying something positive, respectful, and true?” If the answer to any of those is “No,” keep the comments to yourself. Beware of repeating rumors and gossip: unless you observe something or hear it directly from the person involved, the accuracy can’t be verified, and its likely that you are spreading false information.
Avoid. Avoid situations where bullying occurs. Stay away from people who bully others. This will prevent you from becoming a target, or allowing peer pressure to pull you into a situation where you start copying the bully’s behavior.
Alliance. There is safety in numbers. Someone who travels alone as opposed to traveling in a group is more likely to become a target off bullies. Use the buddy system whenever possible.
Audience. Bullies often perform for the benefit of bystanders who may join in or laugh at their comments. If you refuse to give a bully that audience, you take away most of his power. Even better; join in on the side of the kid who is being bullied. Help him or her get out of the situation.
Answer. How do you respond to bullying behavior? Often humor can help to diffuse the situation by catching the bully off guard with a comment he wasn’t expecting.
Act. How do you act towards other people? Do your actions show respect for others? Do you model the kind of behavior towards others that you want for yourself?
Assertiveness. Do you stick up for yourself? Do you clearly let others know what your boundaries are? Or do you let others push you around? Bullies will often target those who tolerate bad treatment. You can’t expect to get respect if you don’t act like you deserve it.
Advocate. Do you stick up for others who can’t speak for themselves? Do you encourage kids who are victims of bullying to get help? Sometimes kids who are being picked on need to borrow strength from someone else.
Adult. Kids can solve some problems on their own. But when solutions don’t work, or the problem seems too big for you to handle alone, make sure you seek help from an adult. Often, they’ve experienced these problems before, and have lots of ideas about how to solve them.
After. After an incident, ask yourself this question, “Am I proud of what I said and how I acted?” If the answer is no, it’s time for some soul-searching. What needs to change for next time?
