Kids need to believe in themselves to be successful in life, but too often they doubt their capabilities.
Confidence and mastery are inextricably linked in a continuous cycle, each helping the other to grow. Unfortunately, many kids give up when tasks become challenging because they lack the self-esteem necessary to tackle tasks enthusiastically.
Without self-assurance, kids won’t reach their full capability. Their failure to achieve goals will reinforce their low sense of self worth, and a different kind of cycle will occur. How can you keep this from happening to the kids you work with?
Provide Opportunities. Get kids involved in tasks that are slightly above their current level of functioning. Anything less is too easy, anything more may be too frustrating. Helping kids to stretch a bit gives them experience with appropriate challenges. Varying types of tasks helps keep interest levels high.
Model Positive Thinking. Exhibiting a negative attitude can easily rub off on kids. They look to us for examples of how to respond to challenging situations. Let them observe you eagerly tackling challenges while verbalizing self-assurance.
Model Problem-Solving. Many kids are often uncomfortable when things don’t come easy because they don’t have the skills to manage roadblocks. If a pattern of giving up when things get tough has been established, help them work through it by changing their thought processes. Help normalize the process of challenge: when you hit obstacles, explain how you think your way around them. When you feel frustrated, verbalize your feelings, but keep going in spite of it. When you need help, ask for it. Kids often have trouble with this skill, too.
Don’t Rescue. Avoid the urge to jump in at the first sign of frustration. Kids need to develop the ability to work through this often difficult emotion. It’s a balancing act: you don’t want frustration levels to get too high, either. You might need to restructure the task so that mastery is possible. Or better yet, have kids verbalize ideas about what would help the situation.
Use Praise Properly. Don’t waste praise on simple or effortless tasks. Kids can see through the smoke. Plus, praising them for something that didn’t require any work on their part sends them the message that you don’t think they’re capable of more. It can lead to frustration and learned helplessness. Instead, make your words count. Save your accolades for accomplishments that require true effort, and help kids reinforce their own successes.
Nice try. Despite our best attempts, we don’t succeed at everything. Being praised for how hard we work at something, regardless of outcome, is important, too. Since we have total control over the amount of effort we put into something, reinforcing it with appreciative words can motivate kids to exhibit similar behavior in the future.
